I seem to be in some sort of hellish post MFA limbo. I feel like I am always waiting and yet I still feel like my time is generally chopped up into tiny useless segments. I have this residency, two days in a row on the weekends and a full day on Tuesdays. So much time to do whatever I want and I don’t know what to do. I can’t even do “nothing” because I don’t know how. So I throw myself in a million directions. I started doing the “busy idleness” drawings I used to do when I first got out of undergrad and had a job that requires me to hurry up and wait all the time. They feel like their own form of torture when I’m making them. I feel like they are some sort of flagellation or something. I’m trying to calm down, be healthier, find something to focus on. It all seems pointless and meaningless.

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