Here’s the moment I realized something was wrong. I didn’t know what yet, that would take months, and things would get much worse. But this is the moment I realized I couldn’t hear the music anymore. The world felt black and white.
Disclaimer: I get to follow my rainbow because even thought I don’t get paid much, my husband’s income allows me to take risks and make choices about who i work for and with.
Today, following my rainbow led me to a new pot of gold. Inside that pot I found a person who is interested in all the things I’m interested in, is as excited about my mission as I am, because hers is nearly the same, and wants me to work with her.
Sometimes, because I have a whole family to think about, I worry my decisions are selfish. I make them for me and my kid as a priority. My husband benefits because he gets to see me follow my rainbow for years on end and get farther along the path every year. But My rainbow sometimes makes him feel stuck and I have to live with that guilt. But all in all I’m happy for the life we are building, I’m happy I get to be so involved in my kid’s life, and I’m happy I get some sort of paycheck doing that.
So my gratitude is for: 1. following my rainbow. 2. My husband supporting me following my rainbow and 3. my kid getting to come along for the ride, and to see me as a strong woman role model.
I know, this is a weird one to be grateful for. But maybe we can be grateful for anything. I got sick friday night with a sore throat. I drank a bunch of rum and non diary eggnog, it’s a great combo if you have the chokey coughs. I spent most of the day Saturday on my computer, or napping, or reading. I just gave in and allowed myself to not feel bacd about all of the things I had plans that required me to move my body around a whole bunch, like work on my dresser/clothes in the closet, or clean up and organize my office. I snuggled with my dogs a whole bunch and got quite a bit of work done. Today it continues. I feel better but don’t feel like moving much.
Another thing this quiet time has bought me is some time to think about my health. It’s been a challenge for me to take my life and health seriously since August. I’ve kind of been on some sort of protest where the only person that suffers from it is me. I think I’m ready to start now. I signed up for the 100 mile Petal Pedal ride in June, so I have a goal to work towards. I checked my glucose numbers today, they aren’t good. So I need to lose weight and exercise more to get them down.
Anyway, this couple days of sick time have allowed me some time to put some sort of plan together and do some time rallying.
I had a magical night this week with some women from Liberation Rock camp. I found myself sitting at a table with some 40 something year old women with kids who work in tech. It was like the most magical christmas present ever. They convinced me to go to Sleater Kinney. I never go to shows anymore. It was freaking awesome. I can’t believe how incredible this year’s LRC was. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. So here’s to new friends who totally rock.
Generally I’m not a great fan of time passing. My kid is getting older, I’m getting older, there aren’t enough hours in the day or the week or the month or year. Time passes more and more quickly as you get older, it has something to do with dopamine, I read it in a magazine once, before the internet was a big thing.
However, today my gratitude is for the quick passing of time because I’m in week 8 of 10 at the college I teach at. This is the week where I think: 1. well, let’s just get in there and rub some elbow grease around. And I have a pretty good attitude about everything because we are here and we have to get there, and we’ve got the tools we’ve got. 2. I know what I will do differently and it’ll be so fresh in my head (I hope) that I will remember to catch things before they get out of hand. 3. I’m happy that there’s a break coming and I can get my syllabus and ruberics and all that stuff dialed in before the term starts.
So, here’s to time passing fast… as long as it slows down immediately after I turn in that last grade on or before December 17th. Please pray for me that it’s before!
Oh no wait, apparently it has more to do with degradation of neural pathways! Yay for degradation!
Wow, haven’t had time to do my daily gratitudes. But this one’s a big one.
Gratitude for Rock N Roll Camp for Girls and the adult camp: Liberation Rock Camp. I attended for the second time this weekend and the whole weekend blew my mind. You cannot find a more supportive, kick-ass group of womxn anywhere in the whole universe. I needed it. Here’s our song:
I’ve noticed my depression and fatigue coming back as well as some TMJ. And things are hard. So gratitude is in order
I am so very grateful for my husband to hear me say in a very clinical way “I am exhibiting signs of depression, and this frustrates me.” and for him to just listen, and not say “you should… you should… you should.” And to hug me a lot and to say he’ll sleep on the couch so I can get better rest. And I’m grateful for my dog Maggie who knew I should put down my code book, stop trying so hard, and just pet her until I fell asleep.
That’s about all the energy I have for today’s post.
It’s after midnight! So that means I get to post my gratitude for tomorrow (today) and I’m grateful for that!
I’m grateful that my friend sent me a text message response to an “I’m on my way” and she said “Thank you! I love you!” and that made me giggle out loud and kind of blush, and feel all happy about friendship when you think someone is great and you can finally make time to spend more time with them even though you’re an adult and sometimes that’s so hard.
I’m grateful for grading! I love grading! I love looking back through a student’s brief few weeks with me and see their progress and see that I’ve gotten to know each one of them in a “we’ve been through a fairly big project together” kind of way.
I’m grateful that I have a job that even though I have to work on a friday night til very late, trying desperately to get caught up, that the work I’m doing makes me really excited and proud.
I love sleep, and it’s 12:22 so I am going to enjoy some right now.
Hey, what if I posted about gratitude in November every day? Let’s try it out.
I am incredibly grateful that my husband actually heard me this year tell him that every holiday season he turns into an asshole. I say if every year, very matter of factly, because it’s been true, I’ve learned to expect it, but nothing has ever changed in many years to stop him from being an asshole, so it’s more like a gentle, hey, I recognize you turn into an asshole this time every year and I wish you’d try to change that. I never expect him to. But this year, he did! Hopefully for the best for everyone involved. I hope he has a happier holiday this year. I’m grateful at the idea that might be true.
I’m grateful that my husband got off work early to come home and help with Halloween festivities. He didn’t go trick or treating, but he loves giving out candy. So he stayed home and I went out looking for our kid, talked to neighbors, and walked the dogs around.
I’m grateful that I’ve stepped down from one of my positions at my job. Today is the last day. I was spread too thin and it was the most troublesome position out of the three/four that I have there. So hurray for a little more focus on the things I love about my job!
I’m grateful that my kid is old enough to start trick or treating a little more independently and that she is so confident.
I’m grateful that about a month ago, I was an asshole and I recognized it. I was an asshole because I made assumptions about a person that were wrong and I said things that I though were self deprecating, that we were somehow both being self deprecating together. But there’s no such thing as co-deprecating, it’s just called being a dick. I’m grateful that I know that and will hopefully not ever do it again. I’m so devastated that I negatively affected this person.
I’m grateful that several months ago I made other assumptions about a friend and after months of heartache, because I’d broken things beyond repair, that I remembered, oh, I’m an adult and I can occasionally screw up, and maybe it doesn’t mean things have to be broken forever. So I held out an olive branch a week ago. And I don’t know what’ll happen from it, but I’m thankful that I was brave enough to swallow by pride and try. And that I can say “I fucked up and I’m sorry.”
I’m thankful for friends.
Follow your rainbow.
I’ve recently discovered that wheat doesn’t hurt me anymore. It’s been 7 years of almost no wheat. I can’t stop. There are so many things to eat. Everywhere I go, there is something that I’ve missed, and I can just…. eat it. Today I ate a donut. It was SOOOOOO GOOOOODDDDDDDD.
I did hot yoga today. I got tricked into it. I did really well and that surprised me. I thought my arms wouldn’t like yoga, I didn’t have to modify too much and I felt good afterwards. So, who knows, maybe I’ll do that yoga now?
Last night I took my very first ice skating lesson of my life, which sounds like I can’t skate, but I totally can. I’ve been waiting for J to get to a level where I thought it would be good to join. Plus I get to skate for free all the time during the 7 weeks of my class. AND I get three free passes. Want to go ice skating? I really want to show off my skillz to you. I love ice skating.
I don’t miss social media. Or I should probably say, I’m surprised at how little I miss it. Because I do miss a few things. I miss seeing the faces of people I love who are far away. But I really like focusing on my here and now. I wish there was more time for reading. I bet there will be between PSU terms. And that will feel soooo goood.
I’ve missed you and I’m glad that we are on sort of speaking terms, but I don’t know how to start speaking to you again so I’m just waiting until I do. And I’m kind of excited and nervous at the idea that I don’t know what our new chapter might look like. Maybe there’s too much damage done. Maybe our book is finished. Time till tell. I’m mostly relieved that I don’t have to imagine the rest of my life with you totally out of it. Because the thought of that sounded terrible.
Next weekend is Rock N Roll LRC. Liberation rock camp and I’m gonna rock so hard. In the application it asked if I had any dietary needs and I said “Just a steady need to ROCK!”
I’m busy. I’m happy. I’m not that healthy but not that unhealthy. Alcohol is fun. So is all the wheat. I love my kid and my husband a bunch. My dogs are both totally awesome and totally annoying. The end.
Hello! If you’ve installed Catalina on Mac and are trying to do Heroku builds, you’ll need to do a few things to get it to work.
Catalina (the new MacOS) has issues with the heroku CLI install. You will have to install brew https://brew.sh/ and use the brew install instructions. https://devcenter.heroku.com/articles/heroku-cli.
brew.shHomebrewThe missing package manager for macOS (or Linux).(48 kB)https://brew.sh/assets/img/homebrew-social-card.png
devcenter.heroku.comThe Heroku CLI | Heroku Dev CenterHow to download, install, and start using, the Heroku CLI. The Heroku CLI used to be part of the Heroku Toolbelt.
We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions.
Miguel Angel Ruiz
Late August 2019 we went to Cape Disappointment in Washington, just south of LongBeach. It was the kite festival, we hung out with friends we don’t get to see often enough, and made some new friends.
This week we took a last minute trip to Big Lake, to hang out with good friends. It was a short trip, Sunday through Tuesday, but we lucked out with weather. I’d never been to Big Lake before. It was amazing! Next time I’ll bring our kayaks. Big Lake is between Detroit Lake and Bend, in Southern Oregon.
This was Brandy’s first trip! Brandy is a 1975 Bradywine trailer. She’s sweet as apple pie.
We made some friends on the trip. We had the nerf guns and lazer tag, and they had the kayaks. It worked out pretty well for both sides.
We had an epic two-week journey to North Carolina and New York this summer. Here are some pics of The Outer Banks. New York pics are below..
Corolla, North Carolina
Syracuse and Woodstock, NY
Very inspiring to new web developers, let’s fix the web https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pb2Xv9slwU&t=33m12s
Visual Studio Code:
Inside VS Code: type Command + Shift + P
in the search prompt, start typing “shell”
Choose “Shell Command: Install Code”