Alanna Risse

Céleste Boursier-Mougenot at Barbican Centre, London

Lordy, is it 17 weeks already? I’ve been trying to take photos of myself but I keep getting freaked out at the site of my full body. Tom took this pic of just my belly and I think I can handle it.

I feel really big. Actually more accurately, I feel like I look really big. When I look in the mirror I’m kind of shocked at how big my belly is getting. When I’m sans mirror I actually feel pretty normal; I feel a big belly but I doesn’t feel as big as it looks. Sometimes it just feels like I ate a double bacon cheeseburger but then I see my profile and wow! So I had to look on google for more images of ladies at 17 weeks. I discovered that 17 weeks can really differ from person to person but I found plenty of peeps with bellies the size of mine. So I feel better now.

I’m feeling pretty great, there are aches and pains and my body is totally worn out by about 8 o’clock every day, but I’m doing great. I’m learning that being pregnant is all about feeling different sensations, most of them involving some degree of mild to moderate pain and discomfort, but so far the pain isn’t bad, it’s just part of the ride. I feel very accepting of my pain and I’m keeping my body moving so that I can keep it in check… hopefully. Yesterday I had to take a gravity break, so I lied down on the bed for about 20 minutes and after that I felt right as rain… more or less. At one point I made the terrible mistake of leaping out of bed from lying on my back and the pain I felt in my abdomen was similar to a charlie horse except there was no way to “walk it off”. So painful. I won’t do that again. From here on out, it’s all about rolling onto my side to get up. Those abdominal muscles aren’t going to get any major activity other than passive exercise. You won’t be seeing me on any of those abdominizers at the gym. No sirree.

My appetite seems to have leveled out. I’m not starving and I don’t have aversions to food. I feel about the same as I did before I was pregnant, appetite-wise, maybe a little hungrier. I just feel more full after a meal now. I’ve been good about keeping snacks with me. There’s nothing that sucks worse than having a major crash when you’re out in the world with no decent snack options. I turn into a raving lunatic. Not pretty.

Next week we see the midwives and make our ultrasound appointment! I’m so excited. I’ve felt the baby move a few times and at other times I wonder if I’m feeling him/her or if it’s just gas. Can’t wait for more sensations.

I found this great pregnant calendar on alpha mom that describes each week of pregnancy

I’ve decided to join Alison and Meg for a Yoga 90 challenge; in my case 90 days of prenatal yoga. You can follow my progress on yoga90.com

Happy yoga-ing!

I looked in our Portland hikes book for the easy hikes that allow dogs and we decided on the University Falls hike starting at Roger’s Camp, in the Tillamook State Forest. The description said 5.8 miles, easy trails, and about a 2.5 hour total hike. It was wet, very wet, and I’m pregnant, 17 weeks now, so easy turned out to be not so easy. It took us 2.5 hours just to get to the falls. I did take some photos along the way but yeah, that took a long time. We booked it on the way back because we were exhausted and just wanted to be done, the way back is much easier since it’s mostly downhill and that still took us 1.5 hours. I’ll be more careful when choosing hikes from that book. And mayby 6 miles is just too far for a pregnant lady, especially when there is lots of uphill to climb and creeks to cross.

Still, it was absolutely beautiful. Stunning, Every time we go on a hike I am completely awestruck at how beautiful Oregon is. I feel so lucky to live here and I want more hiking in my life.

Unfortunately there are lots of very loud dirt bikes that start from the same parking lot as the trail head and you can still here them for the first couple miles of the trail. I wasn’t so sure I wanted to finish the hike with all the loud bikes but once we got farther in, the beauty more than made up for the racket.

In the beginning of the hike I was writing a pregnant woman’s guide to hiking in my head, but by the time we were done, I had decided maybe my hike was more than I should have taken on and I didn’t want to encourage any other pregnant ladies to follow in my crazy footsteps. Some parts of the trail involved some acrobatics that probably shouldn’t be done when “with child.” But it ended well, no falls, and I took my time up hill. I took a bath when we got home and I feel fine, baby is seemingly happily snuggled in my belly and I’m drinking lots of water.

Mississippi loved it and tromped through all the water she could get to. The falls were beautiful and the trails were almost empty. We saw a few mountain bikers and a couple of hikers but that was it in the 4 hours we were there. All the trees were moss covered and provided very soft places to sit.

After our hike we were on a serious hamburger hunt. We’d only had a bagel for breakfast and a Clif bar on the trail so we were starving. We bumped into Coleman’s Shady Rest, a cute diner on Oregon 6, just 1 mile before the 6/8 junction in Gail’s Creek Oregn. The burgers were so good, I’m going to try and find an excuse to go back there. There’s a tractor right in the middle of the restaurant, it doesn’t get any better than that.

Why is Portland so bad at making Mexican food? There is plenty of good meat and produce in this town, and there is no lack of taquerias, in fact, I don’t think I’ve seen a higher concentration anywhere else in the United States. But the salsa is always either made from really dry, bland, unripe tomatoes or more often, made from canned tomato sauce, you know the kind that your mother used to make watery spaghetti sauce with? The meat is always so greasy and the beans are nonexistent. And they always use pre shredded cheddar cheese, please spare me. What is that all about anyway? I thought cheddar cheese was from England. I got a rice and beans burrito today and there were no beans in it. No beans! Who would order a rice and lettuce burrito? I paid $6 for it. I can’t believe it. $6 for rice and iceberg lettuce wrapped in a tortilla with a tiny spoonful of sour cream. No sauce inside at all! None! This is not a burrito, this is a rice wrap. Please Portland, give to me a Mexican restaurant with home cooked pinto beans, nicely seasoned rice, and fresh salsa made from all the glorious tomatoes this town has to offer, with plenty of peppers and cilantro, we can take it. I’m begging you, look into your heart.

Did you ever wonder why 99% of maternity wear is designed to make you look like a fat hooker? All the blouses are tight and low cut. They make them so they stretch skin-tight around your boobs. I don’t want to look like a hooker when I’m not pregnant so why would I start now? You might as well go topless. Honestly, what a joke. Where are the maternity clothes for normal people? And the sweaters, all the sweaters I’ve seen are just a goddamn travesty. I have long legs so all the pants wind up being floods on me. Where are the maternity overalls? Where are the cute empire waist dresses, no not the ones that are skin tight and cut down to your belly button, the ones with room for your boobs and cute little floral patterns. And where are the slip on shoes that are both supportive and cute. And where is the active wear? Am I supposed to sit around on my ass and eat bonbons for 9 months? I need gym clothes, I need swimsuits I can actually swim in. The fancier maternity shops are made for small, skinny people (who apparently want to look like high priced call-girls), there are no shops for me. I want to look pretty but I guess I’ll have to spend the next 5 months in XL men’s sweat pants.

Every day I’m thankful for a few key pieces of pregnancy aids and I thought I’d share. Each one was either a gift or was recommended by someone. So if you’re looking to get the pregnant lady in your life something special, this might be a good list to consider.

A big tub of Cocoa Butter and a good lip balm. When your belly starts to itch, and even before it starts, it is so nice to grease up with some good cocoa butter. It smells so good too. Thank you Verónica!
My lips have been dry, I don’t know if it’s because it’s winter but in any case, I can’t go anywhere without some good lip balm. I put it on before I go to sleep. Thanks Hildreth!

Yoga block and strap. For practicing squats and for stretching out your legs. It’s hard to reach your toes by the end and I’d really like to be able to shave my legs when I’m 35+weeks.

Espresso maker. They tell you to drink all this extra milk or eat extra diary but you aren’t supposed to eat the good, stinky cheese and I’ve never ever been a milk drinker. My solution? Decaf latte. I have one nearly every day. Hold the sugar though, you don’t need any. Go splurge on some really good coffee beans. Thanks James!

Really really soft socks for wearing around the house. Shoes are so restricting but a nice snuggly pair of socks to wear when you’re relaxing on the couch is so wonderful.

Some sort of water filter. Do not underestimate how much water you are going to need. If you are having headaches, it’s probably because you aren’t drinking enough water. I’m amazed at how much I go through every day. I’m constantly refilling this thing. I especially hate the taste of tap water now that I’m pregnant but the filtered water tastes delicious to me.

Despite drinking gallons of water, my nose always feels really dry. Nose and sinus issues are common with pregnancy and many women report snoring for the first time when they are pregnant. humidifiers really help. I run ours every night.

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. Very empowering and beautiful book. Half are birthing stories and the other half is a guide to childbirth. This book is about home birth and birthing centers. If you are opposed to home birth, this book will probably change your mind. Thank you Kara Jo.

The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin. Written as a guide for Doulas and partners, this book talks about absolutely everything you could imagine when it comes to pregnancy, labor and postpartum care. Whether you are planning a home or hospital birth, I cannot recommend this book enough. Read it and you will feel very prepared for whatever comes your way. This book is also great at describing potential emotions of the pregnant women and the birth partner during every stage of labor, so it not only prepares you with tools for aiding pregnant women through labor, it educates you on what you or the mother may be experiencing emotionally. Thank you Gus and Cassie.

A men’s extra large flannel. I use mine for a swim robe at the gym so I don’t have to feel so self conscious after a shower. The gym towels don’t fit around me anymore. I also wear it at home when I’m chillaxin’.

Other important tools for pregnancy:

• A good ottoman
• A comfy lap blanket
• A cuddly husband
• A cuddly dog or cat
• Lots of pillows
• A good pair of maternity leggings
• Overalls
• A case of energy bars to keep in your purse. I like Luna or Clif Bars.

stiff cribs alone clouds pancakes swim cuddle pitt tiles rogue pack water bulb thirst glass landscape square rocks water plants form balance scale repetition grouping rhythm discover inspiration

Well, the amazing fluke of an early spring is now gone and we are back to very dark, grey, wet skies here in Portland. I don’t think I’d mind them that much if I didn’t feel like I was waiting, waiting waiting so much these days. We get to close on the house in a week and a half (fingers crossed) and I am so bad at this waiting period. I’ve been doing lots of packing, I’m getting down to things I’m avoiding and essentials that we still need. I think we’ve finally acquired all the boxes we need, we’re just short on packing materials, but there is always the Willamette Weekly.

We spent some time in our new neighborhood last weekend. The sun was out and the world was full of glory. We went to Peninsula park and checked out the rec center. We drove to the New Seasons by our house and got some things for dinner plus a quick snack. They gave us some empty boxes. We are liking our new neighborhood more and more. I found a CSA that has a pick up point just a block or two from our house, so I can walk to get our weekly fresh produce. The farm is in Troutdale and the CSA share is for 24 weeks of fresh produce. They seem really nice, I can’t wait.

Now that packing is coming together, I’m going to have to get back to my drawings. I’ve been avoiding finishing the stack that I started last week. I run out of energy after dinner so if I don’t do them early in the day, they don’t get done. I had to give into my packing desires and put the drawings aside for a while. I’m behind, very behind. I thought of a couple ideas while lying in bed the other night but they didn’t work out like I imagined.

I’ve been missing the act of writing. I feel like I have nothing to say in this blog sometimes and at the same time I have everything to see. I miss the days of filling my teenage diary up with words, any words that came to mind. It might be time to get back to pen and paper, and let that feed my imagination. I could use some more imagination, more Curious George days where I just wander. Photo outings, long walks. These things will have to wait until we are done moving. I’m itchy and antsy these days. We’ve planned a weekend getaway to Mt Hood after we’re done moving and I’m so looking forward to it. I want to frolic among the wild flowers.

I got a landscaping book at Powell’s yesterday so I can start daydreaming about my garden. Not much is going to happen this year, I’m just excited to discover what plants are already back there, but I love looking through the photos and imagining what I could do. Finally our own garden, that I can add to year after year. Benches! Trellises! Bulbs and trees. All of these things are possible now.

I’m big. My belly wants to be free. I’ve been adorning it in overalls which are ust about the most genius piece of clothing ever invented. I’m thinking about going all out old man with suspenders look. When I wear my suspenders I imagine I look all cute like Bananrama, I’m sure that’s not reality but as long as I stay away from mirrors I’ll be ok.

I’m having more pains in my belly. They feel like nerve pains and I assume they are from my expanding, growing belly. They never last more than a few minutes. I tried to take it easy yesterday. I’ve been large amounts of packing lately and my body doth protest. No big food cravings other than grapefruit. I can’t seem to get enough.

I’m so excited about becoming a mom. I feel so ready for it. I’m excited about everything right now. We close on our house in less than two weeks. The future looks so bright.

This weekend I did a lot of thinking about growing up in the 70s vs today. My kid is going to have a totally different relationship to music than I did. In the 70s there just wasn’t as much, it wasn’t as accessible. You might own a couple hundred records if you were lucky, and listening to them was more of an event. Now, I have thousands albums, I can shuffle them, play them back to back for hours, listen to them while driving, walking, jogging, anywhere but the pool. In my lifetime I’ve witnessed the rise and fall of the cassette, the 8 track, boom box, walkman, mini dv, and cd. Now I can play my iTunes collection through my living room stereo. I’ve seen the rise and fall and rise again of vinyl. My music collection spans the gamut from bluegrass to punk. When I was young, it was Elton John, Neil Diamond, the Monkees, and from my older brother Pink Floyd, Ted Nuggent, The Eagles. Very limited selection, lots of KFRC on the radio. In the 80s I discovered KFJC and thought the world was a better place. Now I can listen to any radio station in the world with streaming. I can listen to books, learn a foreign language, and watch podcasts for art museums around the world, all without ever leaving my house. Things are different now. I spent all my free time in the record stores as a teenager. My kid may rarely set foot in a record store, they may even be extinct by the time they reach that hang out, drink coffee and thumb through records age.

There is good and bad to this, but mostly I think it’s good. You can still learn deep music appreciation, you can still pour over physical albums while listening to a record for the first time. You can still obsess over lyrics. Or my kid may never get it. They may never care about vinyl or listening to a whole album in it’s entirety, though I hope they do.

I guess my point is, wow, look at all this fantastic accessible music everywhere. It used to be hard to come by good records. Now it’s so easy, and so easy to find all kinds of music you might like. So although I have this romantic vision of the young impressionable Alanna looking for good obscure music, I think it’ cooler now.

Food too, though I have few romantic notions about my past with food. The 70s were an awful time for food. Cooked vegetables meant frozen vegetables. The only Chinese food I was exposed to before the age of 18 was Chun King in a can. I grew up in San Jose so I had lots of fresh cherries, pears, and walnuts, but the only lettuce I ever ate was iceburg and the only tomato I ever encountered was bland and acidic, not sweet at all. So yay food. Thank you Alice Waters and everyone else who helped contribute to the amazing assortment of fruits and vegetables I have at my disposal now.

I’m eating so much fruit these days, I think my baby might come out as Carmen Miranda’s hat.

Watch her in Copacabana

Just look at how beautiful this grapefruit is. It tastes even better than it looks. I’m going back for more.

Wow, 5 weeks? Really? I guess I really am pregnant. I’m sure I felt the baby having a giant spaz attack during dinner a few nights ago. Other than that, just little flutters that I think might be my little one but they are over so quick, I’m never totally sure. I’m growing bigger every day and I need to figure out some sort of gym pants situation. The current ones are starting to hurt and my yoga pants are too long for treadmills. Might be time to go to Target and get some man pants. Or maybe just some more yoga pants that aren’t super long. I’ve been a good girl, going to the gym and yoga class pretty regularly. My diet last week was atrocious and I paid the price. My pipes backed up pretty mightily from the burgers and pizza and I had to hit the Metamucil yesterday to try and get things moving again. I’m back on track and promise to stay away from pizza for a while. And that burger I had is definitely all I need for quite a while. Pooping is awesome. More pooping please.

Look! Here’s what my baby looks like right now:

We heard the baby’s heartbeat last week at the midwives and we chatted up a storm. I don’t really have much to talk about as far as my pregnancy goes, I feel fine, so we ended up chatting about our house. Next visit we get to schedule the 20 week ultrasound. I’m so excited about that. I can’t believe we’ll have the keys to our house by then.

I’ve started having mid back pain, this time on my good side. I have a bum floater rib somewhere around T11 on my right side but the pain this week is on my left side. I have been daydreaming about recliners. It will be nice to have my studio chair in the babies room just across the hall from us so that I can go sleep in the chair sometimes if my back is bothering me. Hopefully more yoga will help keep my back in shape.

It’s been so fun watching Tom’s excitement about our little creature. He’s pretty cute around other babies and likes to say “We’re going to have one of those.” And I no longer have to say “That’s a cute kid, let’s steal it.” We’ve been getting lots of goodies from friends too. We have a pretty kick ass high chair from Marc that converts to a rocker, and lots of clothes in various sizes from Monique. Can’t wait to get moved into our new house so we can look for a crib.

I’m still nervous about how huge I’m going to get but I really like my belly and I love being pregnant. I keep trying to take photos of myself to share but they always freak me out too much and I’m too embarrassed to share. Maybe later when there’s a more even baby to me ratio. I discovered today that I really can’t lift heavy things, my abdominal muscles and tendons do not like it Sam I am. So I am just making sure I put the moving box in the right place before I start filling it up with heavy books.

I started watching this video series on YouTube, there are 9 of them. I just went out and bought some of my old vinyl on cd or iTunes. I had been holding out for years to find the first OMD record on vinyl again (I sold off all my vinyl when I moved out of the country) and I just think OMD should be on vinyl. Today I needed it, so I just went out and got it on iTunes. I needed some Gary Newman as well, also sadly sold when I left the country. There’s no way I could have carried all that vinyl around with me all those years. So I really can’t be that sad about it. But anyway, this video made me want them all again. I even bought Depeche Mode Speak and Spell.

Before you get sucked into the show, here’s a silly video for a great song off the first OMD album.

Synth Britannia Part 1/9

Well, Our Valentine’s Day included a whopper headache, searching for moving boxes and filling said moving boxes but we still had a very nice day. Coffee and a coffee cake at Grand Central, a swim at the gym, and cheeseburgers for dinner.

Me: “Can we have cheeseburgers for Valentine’s day”
Tom: “Um, yeah!”
Me: “Ooh, and bacon”
Tom: “Mmmm”
Me: “And grilled onions… maybe we should have Valentine’s day patty melts.”
Tom: “I love you.”

We didn’t have patty melts, we stuck with traditional burgers. But they were super yummy.

We realized we have just two more weekends before we get the keys to our new house. So much to do. I had a whopper headache yesterday, one of the worst I’ve ever had, and I always run out of steam, so we do as much as we can. Lots of boxes to pack. I am really looking forward to a nice weekend somewhere once this is all done, before the baby arrives, and hopefully before I’m really huge.

I have really bad luck with office chairs. I have been through quite a few, from several stupid Office Depot varieties to a few very cute but uncomfortable vintage chairs. The chair I’ve been using for the last year is a wooden kitchen table with a woven rope seat. It’s a great chair and I love it. It’s great for sewing, but it’s not great for sitting in all day long. I’ve been realizing that my current chair is not going to last me through my pregnancy. It’s too hard and uncomfortable. Today we went on a quest to find me a new chair. We went to Portland Office Furniture, a large warehouse full of used office gear. I was very tempted by the $550 Aeron chair but after much deliberation, I went with this gem, a $60 old, green swivel office chair. So far I love it, and I love that it’s another ugly green chair. I have a thing for ugly green chairs. We still have the last one, I just couldn’t part with it. We finally gave up on the broken wheels and just took them off. It’s now a basement lounging chair.

So all hail the green chair!

Though it may feel like it at times, my life is not a made for tv movie. There is no plot that needs following. Outcomes are not predetermined and my choices are exactly that, MY choices. Feeling obligated is an emotion and not necessarily a call to action. I can take my time with these decisions. This is my life, I live it how I choose.

Last night I announced to my friend that I was only 18 drawings behind in my quest to create 365 drawings in 2010. He laughed. I understand why he laughed, but I told him not to. He said I was pregnant and I don’t need to put that kind of pressure on myself right now. It’s true. Making a human is an awful lot of work, and having a big goal like this right now is challenging, but it’s important. I’ve been thinking a great deal about the idea of walking the walk. I see my art school friends doing it and I don’t feel like I’m doing it. Like Angela said, I want to participate. I don’t feel like I’m participating in art the way I want to. I’ve had less shows than ever this year and that bothers me. I had to step back and allow more space for the pregnancy and my health, but I don’t want to let go completely. I’ve got to build in a regular practice that fits with my life and it’s taking me a little bit of time to find that. I will not give up though. I think about grad school every day. I think about gallery representation and I create imaginary shows in my head all the time. I think about the next year and how everything is going to change. I’m excited for the change and I know it’s going to be challenging.

My friend knows better than anyone about this. He’s a musician. He understands how easy it is to not play music, much easier than playing it, keeping a band together, making records. People say that musicians play and artists make, that they can’t help it. I don’t think it’s as easy as that. Life has a way of throwing all sorts of challenges your way. I think musicians and artists try, I think that’s what makes them special. No matter what obstacles or distractions they face, they make time for their art.

I could have chosen to stay single, not have a baby, not buy a house, all in the name of art, but I can honestly say, without the stability that my relationship has brought me, I would have never pursued art seriously. And so I see all of these life building things as stoking the art fire. Some years I’m not going to be able to make as much as as I want, but I will always try to do my best, to keep a special space in my life for it.

My friend finished our conversation by asking, where is the line between sketch and drawing? And I replied, Exactly! It can be anything and as the year progresses, I may be changing my definitions. I’ll find ways to make things fit.